Let It Go
by Cordelia Rose
Summary: What happens when you fall in love with a teacher? Do you confide in friends or keep it to yourself? Rated T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**General POV**

Josh's heart fluttered as Matt walked down the corridor. Not for any particular reason, he wasn't making his way specifically to him, just the opposite; he made a turn into his empty classroom and shut the door.

"Alright mate?" Finn slapped a hand onto Josh's left shoulder, waking him from a pleasant daydream. Trudi skipped up next to his right. He saw the concern, unmasked, in her eyes as she surveyed his face – the drawn, anxious expression, guilty love in his eyes not hidden well, however much he tried.

"Look, Josh." Trudi began. She needed to speak to Josh privately, get him on his own, but that was nearly impossible, and she didn't want anyone, including Finn or Lauren, getting involved incase it was either of them. Not likely Lauren, but Finn…he'd filled me in about Josh's coming out. "I need someone to proof-read my essay for Budgen, and you know what Finn's like, can't sit still for more than a minute at a time."

"Harsh." Finn joked. Josh nodded his consent.

" Great. Go pick a fight with Kyle or something, Finn." Trudi smiled before walking back to the common room, Josh keeping pace. The bell rang, everyone but a few Year 13's had classes to rush to. Lauren was slumped in a chair, flicking through a magazine and cradling a cup of coffee in her hand. She barely glanced up as they entered but tucked her legs up to allow Trudi to retrieve her bag. With a muttered thanks directed towards Lauren, Trudi slung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed Josh's wrist. Josh obligingly let himself be dragged outside into the shade of the large, old oak tree. It was practically empty outside, them being the only human beings. They flopped down, glad to be relieved of the sun although it was only Mid-April. Trudi fumbled around in her shoulder bag until she fished out what was a plain azure ring binder folder, but had been doodled on so much there was barely a square inch of plain blue. She flipped it open and pulled the neatly typed sheet from a plastic cover. Josh's eye scanned the page, flicking from side to side as he frowned at the essay in concentration. Trudi's heart broke a million times and pieced itself back together at the expression of a hopeful but broken heart ache shown clearly on his face.

"All clear. It's really good." he spoke after a minute or so, breaking the near-silence only ruined by the occasional chatter of birds or distant shrieks from inside the school building and handing back her sheet, which she carefully slid back inside the plastic protection.

"Josh." Trudi hesitated before plunging on with her speech.

Tom looked through the window from his stuffy classroom, contemplating opening it. Several of his year group seemed to be warm so he pushed the latches open and let the cool air flow in. he was just about to move away and check they were all doing all right with their work but Josh, sitting underneath the oak tree, with Trudi caught his eye and he frowned as Trudi looked at Josh and his expression changed from curiosity to anxiety. Then Josh was up, striding back towards the school, leaving Trudi looking worried before grabbing her folder and bag and following.

"When we were in the corridor earlier, when we – Finn and I – caught up with you, I recognized the expression on your face. You like Mr. Wilding, don't you?" Trudi bit her lip in case she said too much. _Baby steps, Trudi. _

Josh's curious and friendly expression clouded and he was up in a flash, heading back towards the school's main entrance, bounding up the steps two at a time and pulling open the door before she'd even gathered her possessions.

Josh's thoughts were hounded with possible scenarios of what would happen if everyone found out. He'd be the laughing stock of the school again and what would his dad think? He'd be so embarrassed and so ashamed of him. No, Josh just had to work through it on his own. He was up the second flight of stairs and rounding the third when a voice called from behind him "Josh?" _Great. Dad on your case. _"Yeah?"

"You alright, mate? You just look a bit worried." Tom said, keeping his voice down so the class wouldn't be able to overhear. A couple were already looking up curiously to see where their teacher had wandered off to.

"I'm fine, Dad. Just a bit tired, that's all." Josh said with the full knowledge he looked about as tired as a leopard on steroids.

"Look, Josh, if anything's going on you can tell me." Tom scanned his son's face worriedly.

"I'm fine, for the last time. Just get off my case!" Josh retorted, feeling frustrated that no one would leave him alone.

"Josh-" Tom started before being cut off.

"Piss off!" Josh shouted, before turning on his heel and running up the stairs. Tom turned himself to find his whole English class staring agape. He walked in, rolling his eyes to cover up his real emotions.

"Teenagers. Wait until you have kids." He joked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**General POV**

"Finn. Finn!" Trudi hissed, running into the common room and flopping down onto the sofa next to where he was stretched out casually.

"Yeah?" Finn replied, lifting the book he was 'studying' from his face and sitting up straight.

"What would you do if your friend had a crush on a teacher?" Trudi hoped he woulddn't ask who it was; but it was Finn, so that hope was about as realistic as an elephant fitting into a flowerpot.

"Who? Why? Who has a crush on a teacher?" Finn asked, sitting up straighter still.

"It's none of your business, Finn." Trudi uncomfortably rubbed her palms together.

"Is it you?" Finn sat forward, elbows on knees.

"No. It doesn't matter." Trui fidgeted in her seat, glancing at the clock.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Finn pressed, curious now.

"I asked what you'd do, not for a game of twenty questions!" Trudi nervously shot back.

"Which teacher?" Finn wasn't giving up.

"I'm not saying. All I'm saying is that he doesn't wear glasses." Trudi smiled in relief.

"That could be a load of teachers!" Finn said with an indignant look of outrage on his face.

"Exactly." Trudi smiled more, satisfied that her plan was working.

"Fine. Play it that way. I'll just have to…" tickle Trudi, apparently.

"No! No! Get off! I'll tell you! I'll tell you!" Trudi giggled unstoppably as Finn relentlessly tickled her sides. He subsided and sat back.

* * *

Tom stared down at his marking, his pen motionless on the page as he looked through the sheet, his desk, everything. Why would Josh act like that? It didn't make sense. He was usually so good tempered, the latest time he'd seen him snap like that had been, well, weeks. Something was going on, and he was going to find out what.

* * *

The bell rang and Trudi began packing her bags for the next lesson.

"Lauren and…God, I don't know, Budgen!" Finn guessed wildly, snorting with laughter even as he said it.

"No. No way, way off, Finn."

"Let me think. Josh. Josh and… Josh and…wait for it, Josh and Wilding! It is, isn't it?"

Trudi froze for a second, and then stooped to collect her bag and sling it over her shoulder. "No." she said in a completely unconvincing lie.

"You're kidding me. Josh fancies Wilding?"

* * *

Josh hurried down the corridor, passing the music classroom quickly, hoping to escape the lingering thoughts of Matt. Of course, Josh's usual luck kicked in and:

"Josh? Can I have a word?" Matt stuck his head out of the door and Josh froze like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

"Yeah, sure." His heart was racing; he could feel it through his school shirt as he followed Matt inside.

* * *

"Trudi! Finn!" Tom called as they passed the door. They paused and backtracked.

"Yeah?" Finn grinned, sticking his hands inside his pockets and leaning against the doorframe.

"Is Josh alright? He just seems a bit, I dunno, off, I guess." Tom looked worried; Trudi felt bad about lying to him; maybe she shouldn't. Just tell Tom, he could help Josh more than her or Finn, right?

"He seems fine sire. Maybe you just caught him at a bad time." Finn lied smoothly for Trudi and Tom visibly relaxed.

"Well, thanks, anyway." Trudi and Finn took this as their dismissal and they both took their leave.

So here's the thing guys: I have loads of possible outcomes for the Matt-Josh part. Shall I make them kiss, either matt kissing osh, or Josh kissing Matt? Or shall I make it a totally awkward encounter from Josh and Matt notices? Or shall I make it so Josh ends up with Matt's number? All of these things, not necessarily in that order? Let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

Right, I had mixed reviews telling me what to do for this chapter; so I decided to go with Riona's point that Matt is probably too responsible to kiss Josh, so I've opted for something else! Enjoy :D

**Chapter 3**

**General POV**

"Right, it's about your coursework as the joint curriculum of media studies." Matt frowned as he scanned his desk for the right folder. "Ah, here we go," as he triumphantly pulled out a black ring binder. "It's really good, just wanted to let you know that you've made a mistake on one of your bass clef notes, it's actually an E, not a B." Matt leant forward to show Josh exactly what he was pointing out. The close proximity made Josh shiver slightly, though he tried to contain himself. "Look, you're my best student and I really want you to do well, so…" Matt rooted around on his desk until he found a post-it note. "This is my home and mobile number, if you ever have a questions feel free to give me a call." Josh muttered his thanks, grabbing his folder and the post-it and hurrying out, head down. Matt frowned after him. Maybe the other kids were giving him grief over his sexuality again? He'd have a word with Tom later in the staff room.

* * *

"Where is he? He's like Houdini!" Finn complained to Trudi as they walked down the seemingly never ending corridors to track down Josh.

"We must of crossed paths at some point." Trudi pointed out mundanely.

"There!" Finn yelped, pointed down a door with a glass window into the corridor posterior to it.

"Quick. We don't want to lose him." Trudi tugged on Finn's sleeve and they both jogged towards the door. They ran to the top of the stairs, catching themselves by hanging over the banister and stretching to catch the sight of Josh collecting books from his locker. "What are we actually going to say?" Trudi looked at Finn expectantly.

"Don't worry. I'll handle it. I'm your man." Finn set off down the stairs with a cocky grin and slapped Josh on the shoulder like he had earlier. Josh made a snarky reply to Finn "hey, man!", which was the last thing Trudi saw before they walked off together.

"Look, mate, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I was just thinking, I've never really been there for you, and I'm your best mate, so I really should be." Finn paused for breath before plunging on. "Like, anything, even if it's relationship problems or school problems or friend problems – unless it's me, of course – or you've got a crush on someone you shouldn't have." Finn clammed his mouth shut as soon as he'd said it. _Nice one, Sharkey boy. _

Josh turned to look sideways at him, the worry clear on his face. "What've you heard, Finn?"

"Trudi has a theory that you…have a crush…on a teacher." Finn winced.

"Which teacher?" His voice sounded dull and lifeless.

"Wilding."

"Don't be thick." To anyone else's ears, it sounded like a friendly insult. But to Finn's ears, well trained to Josh, he could tell it was a lie.

"Alright, mate. Just remember, anything, right? You can talk to me about anything." Finn smiled awkwardly before mumbling an excuse and hurrying off down a corridor where Trudi greeted him.

* * *

_He knows. What's going to happen? Has he told Dad? God, what if he has and he's told Wilding?_

* * *

"So, does he? Doesn't he?" Trudi questioned.

"Yeah, he does." Finn sighed as the truth hit him, face on, full impact.

"Oh, Josh." Trudi muttered.

_Right, I need opinions again! Should Tom find out or should he not?_


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you think we should tell anyone?" Finn held the door open for Trudi, letting it slam as he followed behind her, his long strides soon overtaking her short ones. He paused to lean over the chapped stair top to do a quick surveillance check and only continuing down the stairs once he'd checked.

"You mean gossip? Spread another one of Josh's secrets around school?" Trudi asked, turning her head sharply and walking down the stairs jerkily. Finn looked back, surprised by the venom in her voice.

"What d'you mean?" Finn asked, then drew in a breath as Trudi replied,

"The changing room incident."

"No. Don't bring that up. I was – I – I was angry, all right? Trudi?"

"You still did, and we owe it that much to Josh not to tell anyone!" Trudi rounded on Finn, backing him up a few steps until he put his hands up in surrender. "Good." Trudi swallowed a lump in her throat. Why was she so upset about this? The only reason she was involved in this was because she was mates with him. "Let's just get on with it, yeah? Find Clarkson and tell him. You know what, I'll do it. You'd probably just mess it up." Trudi marched off, her loose black hair swinging behind her. She pulled the door back to walk through and the power of the swing hit the wall and rebounded.

"Jesus." Finn muttered.

Trudi knocked on the door to the deputy heads' office, her palms becoming clammy all of a sudden. Tom's friendly but firm voice called from inside and Trudi accepted the invitation to come in.

"Hello Trudi. What can I do for you?" Tom looked up expectantly and Trudi licked her lips before plunging on.

"Mate. Finn appeared at his shoulder, breathless. "Mate, Trudi's gone to tell your dad about you and Wilding."

"There's nothing to tell." Josh said, studying the tiled floor intently.

"The rumours then. Thought you should know."

"Thanks, mate." Josh walked away, his head clouded with thoughts.

He was going to be the laughing stock of the school again.


	5. Chapter 5

**General POV**

"I just wanted to let you know, in case, well, Josh acts a bit weird or something. So you know why." Trudi finished. She had never felt this awkward before in the presence of a teacher. She had good reason; having to tell her deputy head that there were rumours going round about his son liking Mr. Wilding (and knowing that it wasn't a rumour) and trying to explain how Josh felt without giving away they'd had a conversation about this and Josh had obviously lied most of his way through it.

"Thanks, Trudi. I'll bear it in mind." Tom moved from behind his desk and held the door open for Trudi, who gladly escaped from the tense atmosphere in the office. Tom shook his head as he shut the door. Stupid rumours; just nonsense. Then again – and as he remembered he felt a stab of, what, exactly? Pain? Guilt? He couldn't place his finger on it – he hadn't believed the rumours about Josh kissing Finn and look how that had turned out. Tom dismissed it from his head and got on with marking his Year 8's atrocious essays.

Later on, Tom sits with Matt in the staffroom, unaware that even as he has a normal conversation with Matt Trudi is having an abnormal one with Finn, just down the corridor.

"I think they're all feeling the strain more this term more than ever." Matt points out, Tom nodding his agreement.

* * *

"I told Tom." Trudi sighs.

"You what?" Finn's face is one of confusion and angst for Josh.

* * *

"I haven't had any nervous break down yet though. It's an improvement from last year!" Tom replies.

"I said it was a rumour, I never said Josh actually did fancy him, okay?"

"Thank God. You had me worried Truds!"

* * *

Matt's phone pings with a message and he fishes it out of his pocket, unlocking it. In the short silence, Tom has enough time to wonder whether the rumours are true before rejecting the thought again.

* * *

Josh read the delivery message that confirmed the text was sent before smiling dreamily and standing up, grabbing his bag.

* * *

"It's from Josh." Matt comments vaguely, causing Tom to freeze in his seat.

_What time was the sound track due in again?_

_Sender: Josh Stevenson_

Matt quickly types something back. "Sorry. Anyway, you were saying?"

It takes Tom a split second for Tom to realize he's still frozen before he mentally shakes himself and carries on as normal, even though the cogs in his brain are uneasily clanking with worry.

* * *

So, I hope you liked! Credit has to go to _Riona_ for coming up with this idea when I had no clue what to do! I now have options (please message me or send me a review to let me know which one you want):

a) Tom has a conversation with Josh where Josh angrily denies everything

b) Tom has a conversation with Josh where Josh finally admits it

c) Tom talks to Wilding about it, either as a single event or after a) or b)

d) Suggest anything you like!


	6. Chapter 6

_A week. Don't worry, you've still got time!_

_Sender: Mr Wilding_

Josh grins, both at his name and the relief, and carries on walking down the corridor, stopping when he hears Trudi and Finn's voices.

"Was he cool with it?" Finn.

"Yeah, I tried not to let on that Id chatted to Josh about it." Trudi.

"Good. We need to find him."

Josh lets himself fall against the wall. He has to go – now. He walks down the stairs quietly, glad that the other pupils who've got a free period are nowhere in sight. He packs his bag with all the things he needs and sets off in the warm but breezy day. It's a mile from the school to his house, just what he needs to clear his mind. But as soon as he's disappeared round the corner from the school gates, he changes his minds and takes the right fork instead of the left. He knows where he's going, an old wood. He went there when he didn't know where he was going once, when he was upset about kissing Finn. It was a beautiful place, and it calmed him down. It had a tranquil stream that ran through and no one apart from him ever seemed to visit there. It was peaceful, ideal for doing work if you needed a place to relax. Little does he know, even as he walks briskly down the path, people have already noticed he's gone. Finn and Trudi gather the scraps of evidence they can find, someone saw him pack his bag, and another one saw a figure walk out of the school gates, a tall figure with curly dark hair. They presume he's gone home so they resolve to use their next free period, two hours later, to go there. Little do they, or anyone else know, he's not there.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated…I feel very guilty, but hopefully this'll make up for it. And to make up for only Merlin updates, I have new story ideas for Waterloo Road, which should be up soon. Most of them include Josh…**_

The leaves are crispy, and golden, and Josh pauses temporarily to catch them in his hands, feeling like a little kid again, when he didn't have any problems at all. How he'd kill for that feeling again – in fact, he wants to start his life over, and stay with his mum. None of this would have happened then – well, going to Waterloo Road would still have happened, but things would have turned out differently if his dad weren't a teacher at the school. Maybe he'd have a parent who was always there, rather than marking paperwork or tests all the time, and then maybe he wouldn't have got into drugs and got schizophrenia so early. Maybe his coming out would have been handled differently. Maybe…

He doesn't know. He doesn't know what would have happened, but there's no button to undo everything that's happened and set it straight, much as he wishes for one.

Once he's finished with his childish display of fun, he starts walking again, but the smile never leaves his face – or, more importantly, his eyes.

He's unaware that right now, three people are worrying about him. Make it four, if he were to know and count himself. He scrabbles in the pocket of his jacket, and then in his bag. He's forgotten his pills. _Oh, well,_ part of his whispers, _you took them this morning, they'll last a while longer. It's only essential in the morning and at night; you just take an extra dose. _He smiles, but then frowns again. _Surely there's a reason why the psychiatrist told me to take an extra dose? _But whatever; he really doesn't care. The scent of the herbs in the woods and the noise of the stream make him feel free, like he was when he first started at Waterloo Road. "Stupid, lovely, bloody, Waterloo Road," Josh mumbles, not really sure what he's saying.

"Josh? We get why you're upset, but hiding's not going to help anything," Trudi calls through the house, ignoring Finn's snort as he sees the kitchen. Half of it's spotlessly clean – more specifically, the half where things are cooked, whilst the other half – the table area – is a wreck. Finn doesn't even need to think who's responsible for what; Clarkson's atrocious organizational skills are known throughout the school whilst he knows Josh is a neat freak, more than usual lately. He supposes it's his way of coping, now. Finn swallows, and continues with his search of the house.

Half an hour later, they both have to accept that Josh isn't here, and Finn doesn't miss the fleeting worry on Trudi's face.

"Shall we tell Clarkson?" Trudi asks anxiously, biting her thumbnail.

"Nah, he's probably just gone round to a friend's or something. Or into town. He might just need to cool down." Finn counters hurriedly, knowing Josh doesn't want to be disturbed, wherever the hell he is.

"What if people ask?"

"Say he's staying at mine for the night. If they ask before, say he had to go and get something from home. It's Friday today, so if Clarkson asks, I'll say he's staying for the whole weekend. Give us enough time."

"Yeah, alright."

_**Hey, you just read this,**_

_**And it was epic,**_

_**But I like reviews,**_

_**So give one maybe?**_


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

_Warning/s: Exaggerating from a certain author._

_A/N: Reviews are love 3_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Waterloo Road in the slightest. If I did…well, MORE JOSH!_

There was now a full-scale witch-hunt for Josh.

Well, that was quite possibly an exaggeration.

Finn, Trudi and Lauren were searching for Josh.

But still… it was fierce.

"I'm cold!"

Maybe not.

"Lauren, shut up! We're trying to find Josh!" Finn snapped, rolling his eyes.

"But it's cold and I forgot my coat!" Lauren whined, ducking to avoid a bramble that blocked her path.

"Shh. Let's distract ourselves. Where does Josh like to go?" Finn said, hoping to soothe his friend.

"Places with trees," Lauren said grumpily.

"And we're in the woods near here. Good start, right?" Finn said, punching her lightly in the shoulder. Trudi stood on a tree trunk to get a better look around.

"…Right," Lauren said grudgingly.

"So we won't be much longer, okay?" Finn said pacifyingly.

"Okay. But I'm still cold!"

Josh had no idea that his three best friends were out searching for him. He was currently climbing a tree. His right hand grasped a branch overhead and his left fitting in a small groove. His right food found a foothold and he saw another one for his left. Leaning back slightly, he pushed up and hopped into the hole. As soon as he pushed both feet into the easily large enough hole, he sensed something was wrong. The wood and bark surrounding it was rotten and with his full weight on it, it snapped. Josh fell, too surprised to yell, and hit the ground ten feet below him with a heavy thud.

_A/N: Wow, I'm evil. Hehe. I like torturing Josh, it's oddly satisfying. And I know, very short, so very sorry!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9_

_Warning/s: Um. None._

_A/N: You deserve more than this for such a long time between updates. I apologise. But this is the end, guys! It's the end of the story. I'm very proud of myself, actually; Merlin ended today and I was so upset about the ending, because it was so beautiful and tragic, I did not feel like writing much. But this just kind of flowed out._

_Disclaimer: I own the distance between the two arrows: _

"Josh? Oh, Josh!" Josh heard Trudi's voice in the distance. "Finn! I found him!"

"What? Where?"

"Over here!"

Josh tried to sit up but accidently pushed up on his injured arm. He bit back a cry of pain and felt his vision blur as warm hands grabbed his shoulders. He was pulled upwards in a flurry of golden brown leaves and dead grass. Someone patted him on the back and someone else carefully examined his wrist, gently probing bruises that he didn't know were there.

"Josh? Josh?" Finn's face swam in and out of focus.

"I think he's got a concussion or something," Trudi said, in an anxious voice somewhere to his left. He couldn't find the effort in himself to look.

"Amnesia?" Finn asked uncertainly. Josh couldn't remember what amnesia was.

"That's when you have memory loss, Finn."

Oh yeah. How ironic that he'd forgot.

"Call nine nine nine." That was Trudi again. He thought. Faces and voices were muddled.

"You'll be fine," Trudi reassured. "Fine, just fine."

* * *

"Finn? Trudi?"

Both looked up and gulped. Matt Wilding stood across from them; looking slightly rumpled and harassed, he smiled shortly and inquired, "Where's Josh?"

"Through there," Finn said, pointing. "Is Mr Clarkson coming?"

"Yeah, he is…I'm going to see if Josh is alright." He shot them both a quick, distracted grin and walked away briskly towards the cubicle, right hand mussing his hair.

* * *

"Well, your dad's going to be here any second," Matt promised.

"Great." Josh grinned broadly. "Thanks, Mr. Wilding."

He smiled shortly, and then strode towards the curtain. "Have to go – school needs me," he accompanied this with a roll of the eyes.

"Goodbye."

"Bye, Josh."

Josh stared after his music teacher. Huh. Maybe he didn't have a crush on him after all.

But then Matt turned and grinned once, before turning back to the doors.

His heart fluttered and kicked. Oh. Maybe he did.

_Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, guys!_


End file.
